Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Just Fantastical! (Not)

.... Keanu Reeves, who plays Constantine, says that "staying true to the essence of characters" ... Comic-book movies "have fantastical characters, but you're still telling stories you want people to relate to. If you get that right, you'll be OK."

The problem with the above quote is just how inaccurate of a statement it is when talking about the movie Constantine, which I had the unfortunate experience seeing a couple of days ago.
Let's breakdown his quote as a way of reviewing just how bad this movie is.
"Staying true to the essence of the characters"
This is soooo far from the truth, just because Keanu may be smoking and wearing a tired suit and tie, he didn't come close to capturing the Constantine from the Hellblazer comics. The John Constantine I know (owning over 100 issues) is an asshole through and through. He sells out his freinds, scams everybody and drinks as much as he smokes. He talks in more than one line, clipped sentences and would sleep with any woman offering it up. The movie's Constantine is a stilted mess of contradictions, stumbing around in the pouring Los Angeles rain.

"...stories you want people relate too"
Hmmm..that's a crazy statement for any comic book based movie to make. Yeah, that part when he goes "I need a three foot mirror" and pulls a demon into it, then throws it out the window. You know something like that happened to me just last week! Actually, the opposite is true of Constantine -- there is nothing anybody can relate to or would want to.

"If you get that right, you'll be OK"
Well, let's just say Hollywood blew it. To be honest, as a fan of the comic I never actually understood why they would want to bring Hellblazer to the big screen. And, in my own strange way I feel sorry for Keanu because he wants so hard to be taken seriously. To be thought of as a convincing actor capable of more than "Whoa." But, when it comes down to it, he's just not capable of more, it's not in his make-up.


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